Family Law-What Does it Entail?

Family Law-What Does it Entail?

Basically, family law is a practice area that encompasses the legal issues that face families. Such issues may include divorce. If you reach a point in your marriage and decide that divorce is the only way out, you can seek a divorce attorney to take you through the divorce proceedings. Divorce cases fall under the umbrella of family lawsince divorce is a matter that relates to families. In the contemporary world, divorce cases have become so popular and so have the divorce lawyers who assist people in handling divorce legal proceedings.

Another common area of family law involves spousal support and child support. When a couple separates or divorce, the court may mandate one spouse to be supported by the other. Where there are children present, a court order may be passed where one partner in most cases the husband is required to financially support the children and finance their education among other needs. Another common area where family law applies is in regard to child custody cases. Where a couple gets a divorce and there is a disagreement on who should keep the children, it is imperative to file a custody case and the court gets to decide on the parent who should keep the kids.

In addition, family law may apply where there is division of property between two spouses especially after a divorce. Once marriages are broken, chaos often result regarding the division of assets. In such circumstances, the court comes in and decides on the way the assets should be optimally divided between the parties involved. Most battles relating to sharing of assets after splitting a marriage often end up in court where the final judgment is made.

It is also common for family law to be applied where you are seeking adoption rights. If you are seeking to adopt a child for instance, you will be required to undergo some court proceedings so as to legally adopt the child. While dealing with most family legal matters, most people seek the counsel of family lawyers. Family lawyers can come in handy in offering reliable guidance and also in pointing the way forward in regard to family law.

When faced with a legal issue, many people prefer to immediately discuss things with a lawyer. The same case applies to family law. When faced with legal issues pertaining to family, it is imperative to get in touch with a competent lawyer as soon as possible. Legal issues can be of increasingly complexity. In addition, finding a good lawyer to represent you may be a challenging task. Do not just go for any family lawyer that you come across, go for a competent person who understands your case well.

As you choose a lawyer to handle your family law case, it is imperative to consider the experience and competence of the lawyer in question. Remember that the outcome of your case will highly depend on the competency of the lawyer you go for. Therefore, go for a competent and an experienced lawyer as this will steer a good outcome of your case.

Attorney at law, Gregory A. Riebesehl, of Riebesehl Family Law Offices In Phoenix, Arizona understands what each client and their family are going through not only professionally but also personally and has committed his life to helping families find the resolution and peace of mind they are seeking without the churning up the animosity which so many family law attorneys do in order to increase their fees and justify their outrageous billing hours. Gregory A. Riebesehl has over twenty years of family law experience and expertise here in Arizona and prides himself with practicing law with the excellence that the Courts expect and that his father before him practiced. You and all that you hold precious when going through any family law matter are in great hands when you elect to have Mr. Riebesehl handle your case so please don't hesitate, call (602) 621-0779 and resolve to find the solutions to your problems today rather than putting matters on hold any longer. You'll be so glad you did and won't be disappointed in the results nor the amount of time in which these results are obtained.

What Is Parental Alienation Syndrome?

Parental Alienation Syndrome 

Parental Alienation Syndrome is the deliberate attempt by one parent to distance his/her children from the other parent. The motivation is to destroy the parental bond between his/her children with the other parent. The alienation process develops over time and some of the symptoms of the syndrome include some or all of the following:

A parent will speak badly of or criticize the other parent directly to the child or children. Negative statements about the other parent may be direct or indirect. For instance, the parent may say, “We can’t afford a new dress for the school dance because your father/mother decided to spend the money on vacation with their new friend.” A more direct comment would be, “your father/mother left because he/she didn’t care enough about you to try and make the marriage work.” Either statement is meant to cause the child to feel anger toward the other parent. It is an attempt to use the child to get back at the other parent for causing emotional pain.

A parent will speak badly of the other parent within the hearing range of the child or children. There are parents who say they would never say anything negative to their child or children about the other parent. They don’t seem to have any problem saying negative things to other people though and if their child or children happen to be within hearing distance the better. These people hold themselves up as a “good person.” They want to instill anger in their children toward the other parent without looking bad. It’s easy to say they had no idea the child was listening so they don’t have to take responsibility for their actions. I like to say they are being very aggressive in a passive way.

A parent will make the child privy to the details of the divorce and the ongoing conflict between the parents. They discuss financial problems brought on by the divorce. Make the child aware of legal issues that are ongoing and make it appear that if it weren’t for dad or mom their life would be easier.Not only can this cause the child to feel anger toward the other parent it can also cause the child to feel responsible for your situation and want to take on responsibilities that are not theirs.

A parent will use body language to communicate their dislike of the other parent. The child may witness dad/mom roll their eyes or shake their head at something the other parent did or said. Such body language sends a negative message without a word being spoken. Children are smart and know that a roll of the eyes is a dismissive gesture. One clearly meant to send the message that the other parent is stupid or wrong in some way.

Refusing to be around the other parent or to co – parent with them sends the child a negative message also. Children may be told that their dad/mom is always angry and the other parent doesn’t want to be around the anger. The other parent might not be angry at all but, such accusations can cause a child to have unfounded hard feelings toward the other parent.

A parent may go as far as accusing the other parent of sexual, physical or emotional abuse. If you have, small children who are not yet able to communicate exactly what has happened such accusations can be very dangerous to the child/parent relationship. They may also have severe legal consequences. If a child is too small to talk and communicate what happened you should insist on a medical examination and an evaluation by a psychiatrist is you suspect abuse. If the child is old enough to speak for themselves and communicates to you that they have been abused then it is your responsibility to help them hold the other parent responsible.

Children who have to live with the unresovled conflict and anger of their parents suffer tremendously. Add to the normal stress of separation and divorce the feeling that the child should choose between the parents and you can cause damage that lasts a lifetime. A child is powerless when it comes to ending the conflict he/she is witnessing. They may feel that if they make a choice it will lessen the conflict they have to live with. One parent can cost their child the other parent and their only motivation is revenge, fear, anger or jealousy. It’s a terrible price for children to have to pay in an attempt to assuage a parent’s feelings.

It is imperative that parents be willing to parent cooperatively, that they put their child’s needs first and that their only concern is their child’s sense of security.

Co-parenting While Going Through Divorce For The Sake Of Your Children

Tips for Divorced Parents

CO-PARENTING WITH YOUR EX AND MAKING JOINT CUSTODY WORK

Cooperative co-parenting with your ex can give your children continued stability and close relationships with both parents—but it certainly isn’t easy. In reality, putting aside relationship issues to co-parent amicably can be extremely difficult and fraught with stress.

Despite the many challenges, though, with the right tools it is possible to initiate and maintain a cordial working relationship with your ex for the sake of your children. You have the power to remain calm, stay consistent, and avoid or effectively resolve conflict with your ex—all in the name of putting your children’s needs first.

Co-parenting after a separation or divorce

Joint custody arrangements, especially after an acrimonious split, can be exhausting and infuriating. It can be extremely difficult to get past the painful history you may have with your ex and overcome any built-up resentment. Making shared decisions, interacting with each another at drop-offs, or just speaking to a person you’d rather forget all about can seem like impossible tasks. But while it’s true that co-parenting isn’t an easy solution, it is the best way to ensure your children’s needs are met and they are able to retain close relationships with both parents.

It may be helpful to start thinking of your relationship with your ex as a completely new one—one that is entirely about the well-being of your children, and not about either of you. Your marriage may be over, but your family is not; doing what is best for your kids is your most important priority. The first step to being a mature, responsible co-parent is to always put your children's needs ahead of your own. 

Co-parenting is the best option for your children

Through your parenting partnership, your kids should recognize that they are more important than the conflict that ended the marriage—and understand that your love for them will prevail despite changing circumstances. Kids whose divorced parents have a cooperative relationship:

Feel secure. When confident of the love of both parents, kids adjust more quickly and easily to divorce and have better self-esteem.

Benefit from consistency. Co-parenting fosters similar rules, discipline, and rewards between households, so children know what to expect, and what’s expected of them.

Better understand problem solving. Children who see their parents continuing to work together are more likely to learn how to effectively and peacefully solve problems themselves.

Have a healthy example to follow. By cooperating with the other parent, you are establishing a life pattern your children can carry into the future.

Co-parenting tips for divorced parents: Setting hurt and anger aside

The key to co-parenting is to focus on your children—and your children only. Yes, this can be very difficult. It means that your own emotions—any anger, resentment, or hurt—must take a back seat to the needs of your children. Admittedly, setting aside such strong feelings may be the hardest part of learning to work cooperatively with your ex, but it’s also perhaps the most vital. Co-parenting is not about your feelings, or those of your ex-spouse, but rather about your child’s happiness, stability, and future well-being.

Separating feelings from behavior

It’s okay to be hurt and angry, but your feelings don’t have to dictate your behavior. Instead, let what’s best for your kids—you working cooperatively with the other parent—motivate your actions.

Get your feelings out somewhere else. Never vent to your child. Friends, therapists, or even a loving pet can all make good listeners when you need to get negative feelings off your chest. Exercise can also be a healthy outlet for letting off steam.

Stay kid-focused. If you feel angry or resentful, try to remember why you need to act with purpose and grace: your child’s best interests are at stake. If your anger feels overwhelming, looking at a photograph of your child may help you calm down.

Use your body. Consciously putting your shoulders down, breathing evenly and deeply, and standing erect can keep you distracted from your anger, and can have a relaxing effect.

Children in the middle

You may never completely lose all of your resentment or bitterness about your break up, but what you can do is compartmentalize those feelings and remind yourself that they are your issues, not your child's. Resolve to keep your issues with your ex away from your children.

Never use kids as messengers. When you have your child tell the other parent something for you, it puts him or her in the center of your conflict. The goal is to keep your child out of your relationship issues, so call or email your ex yourself.

Keep your issues to yourself. Never say negative things about your ex to your children, or make them feel like they have to choose. Your child has a right to a relationship with his or her other parent that is free of your influence.

Co-parenting tips for divorced parents: Communicating with your ex

Peaceful, consistent, and purposeful communication with your ex is essential to the success of co-parenting—even though it may seem absolutely impossible. It all begins with your mindset. Think about communication with your ex as having the highest purpose: your child’s well-being. Before contact with your ex, ask yourself how your talk will affect your child, and resolve to conduct yourself with dignity. Make your child the focal point of every discussion you have with your ex-partner.

Communication with your ex is likely to be a tough task. Remember that it isn’t always necessary to meet your ex in person—speaking over the phone or exchanging texts or emails is fine for the majority of conversations. The goal is to establish conflict-free communication, so see which type of contact works best for you. Whether talking via email, phone, or in person, the following methods can help you initiate and maintain effective communication:

Set a business-like tone. Approach the relationship with your ex as a business partnership where your “business” is your children’s well-being. Speak or write to your ex as you would a colleague—with cordiality, respect, and neutrality. Relax and talk slowly.

Make requests. Instead of making statements, which can be misinterpreted as demands, try framing as much as you can as requests. Requests can begin "Would you be willing to…?" or “Can we try…?”

Listen. Communicating with maturity starts with listening. Even if you end up disagreeing with the other parent, you should at least be able to convey to your ex that you’ve understood his or her point of view. And listening does not signify approval, so you won’t lose anything by allowing your ex to voice his or her opinions.

Show restraint. Keep in mind that communicating with one another is going to be necessary for the length of your children's entire childhood—if not longer. You can train yourself to not overreact to your ex, and over time you can become numb to the buttons he or she tries to push.

Commit to meeting/talking consistently. Frequent communication with your ex will convey the message to your children that you and their other parent are a united front. This may be extremely difficult in the early stages of your divorce or separation.

Keep conversations kid-focused. You can control the content of your communication. Never let a discussion with your ex-partner digress into a conversation about your needs or his/her needs; it should always be about your child's needs only.

Improving the relationship with your ex

If you are truly ready to rebuild trust after a separation or divorce, be sincere about your efforts. Remember your children’s best interests as you move forward to improve your relationship.

Ask his or her opinion. This fairly simple technique can effectively jump-start positive communications between you and your ex. Take an issue that you don't feel strongly about, and ask for your ex's input, showing that you value his or her input.

Apologize. When you’re sorry about something, take the time to apologize sincerely—even if the incident happened a long time ago. Apologizing can be very powerful in moving your relationship away from being adversaries.

Chill out. If a special outing with your ex is going to cut into your time with your child by an hour, graciously let it be. Remember that it’s all about what is best for your child; plus, when you show flexibility, your ex is more likely to be flexible with you.

Co-parenting tips for divorced parents: Parenting as a team

Parenting is full of decisions you’ll have to make with your ex, whether you like each another or not. Cooperating and communicating without blow-ups or bickering makes decision-making far easier on everybody. If you shoot for consistency, geniality, and teamwork with your ex, the details of child-rearing decisions tend to fall into place.

Aim for consistency

It’s healthy for children to be exposed to different perspectives and to learn to be flexible, but they also need to know they’re living under the same basic set of expectations at each home. Aiming for consistency between your home and your ex’s avoids confusion for your children.

Rules. Rules don’t have to be exactly the same between two households, but if you and your ex-spouse establish generally consistent guidelines, your kids won’t have to bounce back and forth between two radically different disciplinary environments. Important lifestyle rules like homework issues, curfews, and off-limit activities should be followed in both households.

Discipline. Try to follow similar systems of consequences for broken rules, even if the infraction didn’t happen under your roof. So, if your kids have lost TV privileges while at your ex’s house, follow through with the restriction. The same can be done for rewarding good behavior.

Schedule. Where you can, aim for some consistency in your children’s schedules. Making meals, homework, and bedtimes similar can go a long way toward your child’s adjustment to having two homes.

Important issues

Major decisions need to be made by both you and your ex. Being open, honest, and straightforward about important issues is crucial to both your relationship with your ex and your children’s well-being.

Medical needs. Effective co-parenting can help parents focus on the best medical care for the child, and can help reduce anxiety for everyone. Whether you decide to designate one parent to communicate primarily with health care professionals or attend medical appointments together, keep one another in the loop.

Education. School plays a major role in maintaining a stable environment for your kids, so be sure to let them know about changes in your child’s living situation. Speak with your ex ahead of time about class schedules, extra-curricular activities, and parent-teacher conferences, and be polite to him or her at school or sports events.

Financial issues. The cost of maintaining two separate households can strain your attempts to be effective co-parents. Set a realistic budget and keep accurate records for shared expenses. Be gracious if your ex provides opportunities for your children that you cannot provide.

Disagreements

As you co-parent, you and your ex are bound to disagree over certain issues. Keep the following in mind as you try to come to consensus with your ex.

Respect can go a long way. Simple manners are often neglected between co-parents, even though they should be the foundation for co-parenting. Being considerate and respectful includes letting your ex know about school events, being flexible about your schedule when possible, and taking his or her opinion seriously.

Keep talking. It might sound tedious, but if you disagree about something important, you will need to continue to communicate about the topic. Never discuss your differences of opinions with or in front of your child. If you still can’t agree, you may need to talk to a third party, like a therapist or mediator.

Don’t sweat the small stuff. If you disagree about important issues like a medical surgery or choice of school for your child, by all means keep the discussion going. But if you want your child in bed by 7:30 and your ex says 8:00, try to let it go and save your energy for the bigger issues.

Compromise. Yes, you will need to come around to your ex spouse’s point of view as often as he or she comes around to yours. It may not always be your first choice, but compromise allows you both to “win” and makes both of you more likely to be flexible in the future.

Co-parenting tips for divorced parents: Making transitions easier

The actual move from one household to another, whether it happens every few days or just on weekends, can be a very hard time for children. Transitions represent a major change in your children's reality. Every reunion with one parent is also a separation with the other; each “hello” is also a “goodbye.” In joint custody arrangements, transition time is inevitable, but there are many things you can do to help make exchanges and transitions easier, both when your children leave and return.

When your child leaves

As kids prepare to leave your house for your ex’s, try to stay positive and deliver them on time. You can use the following strategies to help make transitions easier:

Help children anticipate change. Remind kids they’ll be leaving for the other parent’s house a day or two before the visit.

Pack in advance. Depending on their age, help children pack their bags well before they leave so that they don’t forget anything they’ll miss. Encourage packing familiar reminders like a special stuffed toy or photograph.

Always drop off—never pick up the child on "switch day." It’s a good idea to avoid "taking" your child from the other parent so that you don’t risk interrupting or curtailing a special moment. Drop off your child at the other parent’s house instead.

When your child returns

The beginning of your children’s return to your home can be awkward or even rocky. You can try the following to help your child adjust:

Keep things low-key. When children first enter your home, try to have some down time together—read a book or do some other quiet activity.

Double up. To make packing simpler and make kids feel more comfortable when they are at the other parent's house, have kids keep certain basics—toothbrush, hairbrush, pajamas—at both houses.

Allow the child space. Children often need a little time to adjust to the transition. If they seem to need some space, do something else nearby. In time, things will get back to normal.

Establish a special routine. Play a game or serve the same special meal each time your child returns. Kids thrive on routine—if they know exactly what to expect when they return to you it can help the transition.

Dealing with visitation refusal

Sometimes kids refuse to leave one parent to be with the other. Although this can be a difficult situation, it is also common for children in joint custody.

Find the cause. The problem may be one that is easy to resolve, like paying more attention to your child, making a change in discipline style, or having more toys or other entertainment. Or it may be that an emotional reason is at hand, such as conflict or misunderstanding. Talk to your child about his or her refusal.

Go with the flow. Whether you have detected the reason for the refusal or not, try to give your child the space and time that he or she obviously needs. It may have nothing to do with you at all. And take heart: most cases of visitation refusal are temporary.

Talk to your ex. A heart-to-heart with your ex about the refusal may be challenging and emotional, but can help you figure out what the problem is. Try to be sensitive and understanding to your ex as you discuss this touchy subject.

Books that we highly recommend to help parents navigate through the pain, anger, frustration, shock, chaos, and the variety of other emotions they are going through during a divorce and child custody/visitation issues as well as these exceptional books just for children to help them cope with their pain, fears, and myriad of other difficult  feelings and struggles through the changes and adjustments experienced during family law matters:

Please don't forget to call Family Law Attorney Gregory A. Riebesehl of Riebesehl Family Law Offices in Arizona for your FREE INITIAL CONSULTATION and any needs you have concerning REPRESENTATION IN THE ARIZONA COURTS or mediation and conflict resolution or other family coaching matters At (602) 621-0779. All Initial Consultations are free of charge as well as are brief questions when deciding whether you need the expertise of a lawyer (since most self help matters or paralegal assisted matters are rejected by the Courts or end up going very badly for the parties involved and are usually permanent for a year or more before a judge will even entertain the idea of modifying any orders including property distribution, child support, visitation, custody, financial responsibilties, spousal maintenance, and Court ordered awards of assets, etc.) and any document preparation, help with document preparation in self help matters, mediation, conflict resolution, strategic and successful planning and expediente execution through the divorce process, or family coaching can be done over the phone or in person for flat fees NATIONWIDE AS WELL AS OVER SEAS OR OUT OF STATES CLIENTS paid before the session or sessions (as you may have as many as you wish) paying with a credit card, prepaid money card, paypal account transaction, wired money deposit transaction, or cash. Mr. Riebesehl's fees are at $250 dollars per 1 hour and he does work with payment plans, pay as you go options, flat fees, and negotiatable retainer fees per complexity of each individual matter. He has a reputation for being one of the very best and most experienced, versatile, excellent family law attorneys in the State and without a doubt one of the most reasonably priced attorneys as he does not churn up the animosity in the case just to earn exorbitant fees at the expense of his clients and their families especially given these rough economic times and the highly emotional vulnerabilities of his clients and their families while enduring some of the most painful and life altering changes that they are going through. Our firm is here for you and we are a family run firm catering to the needs of the families we are fighting for!!! We look forward to hearing from you and to helping you not only survive but to thrive through the process of all family law matters. Call us at (602) 621-0779 or e-mail us at gregriebesehl@yahoo.com.  

Baby Safe Haven Law: Abandoned Baby Could Have Been Prevented

Phoenix police are searching for the mother of a newborn baby girl who was left in the front yard of a home in North Phoenix on Tuesday, reports azfamily.com.

The newborn baby was allegedly only three-to-six-hours-old and still had part of her umbilical cord attached when she was discovered, according to Phoenix Fire Department Captain Scott McDonald.

Witnesses reportedly told police they saw a young and very pregnant Hispanic woman looking distressed near the home around the time the baby was left. Detectives say they are concerned about her health, according to azfamily.com.

The potentially dangerous situation for both the mother and the baby could have been completely prevented if the young mother had known about Arizona’s “Baby Safe Haven Law,” according to McDonald.

Under the Baby Safe Haven Law, a parent can anonymously leave a newborn baby at any staffed firehouse, police station, hospital, church, or adoption agency within 72 hours of the baby’s birth without legal repercussions. The law is reportedly a “safe and legal option to infant abandonment” with “no shame, no blame, no names.”

If a newborn infant isn’t left with a safe haven provider, a parent could potentially face child abuse charges. If the mother is found, it will be up to police and prosecutors to decide whether they should file criminal child abuse charges against her.

Anyone with information about the baby or her mother’s whereabouts is encouraged to call the Phoenix Police Department or Silent Witness at 480-WITNESS. For more information on safe haven laws, see our Related Resources section.

Related Resources:

• What is Arizona’s Safe Haven Law? (Riebesehl Family Law Offices Blawg)
• Parental Abandonment of Children (FindLaw’s LawBrain)

Child Support Examined More Closely

Child Support

When married parents divorce or separate, or when only one of the unmarried parents of a child has custody, the court may order the non-custodial parent, or the one with whom the child does not live, to pay a certain portion of his or her income as child support. When the child is in the custody of both parents, however, and the parents are providing a reasonable level of support, the law usually does not interfere with or regulate the amount of financial support provided.

Because in the United States nearly half of all marriages end in divorce and almost one-fourth of all children are born to unmarried parents, the regulation of child support is an important social issue. Whereas once the arrangement for and payment of child support was left to the parents, now state child support enforcement agencies are taking an aggressive role in seeking payments from non-custodial parents. Frequently, the agency and court will work together to implement a child support withholding order, by which the child support amount is automatically taken from the payer's paycheck. If the child support payments become delinquent, the agency can implement other collection mechanisms, such as withholding support amounts from tax refunds, or seizing real estate or personal property.

Child support orders are issued by the family court, which bases the amount of the support on the state child support guidelines. These guidelines establish the amount of support that must be paid, based largely on the non-custodial parent's income and the number of children. The court will also take into account other relevant factors, such as the custodial parent's income and the needs of the children. The court can deviate from the guidelines if there are significant reasons to do so. The fact that the custodial parent has a high income does not itself justify deviation from the guidelines, because under the law children have the right to benefit from both parents' incomes. Child support can be increased if there is a change in circumstances justifying the increase, such as an increase in the payer's income or the cost of living, a decrease in the custodial parent's income, or an increase in the child's needs. Similarly, the amount can be reduced if the circumstances justify the reduction.

In cases involving unmarried mothers seeking child support, the first step may be to legally establish the father's paternity of the child. The father can do this voluntarily, but if he does not the mother may need to bring a lawsuit to establish paternity, which is usually done using genetic (DNA) testing. The court will order the putative, or alleged, father to submit to the testing if he does not agree to do so voluntarily. Once paternity is established, the court will issue a child support order in a manner similar to that in a divorce situation.

When the non-custodial parent moves to another state, the custodial parent may have to rely on the Revised Uniform Reciprocal Enforcement of Support Act to implement or ensure payment of child support. This Act provides the mechanisms by which a support order issued in one state can by enforced by the courts of another state.

A lawyer experienced in family law can assist a parent in obtaining an order for child support in an appropriate amount, and in enforcing the order once issued. Family law lawyers can also represent either parent in a support modification proceeding, or in a proceeding to establish or disprove paternity. Because the well-being of children is at stake, child support issues are of paramount concern, and the assistance of an experienced lawyer is essential to the process.

Questionnaire: Child Support Calculation Information

To read and printout a copy of the Questionnaire please click below.

Child Support Calculation Information

You can download a free copy of Adobe Acrobat Reader here.

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DISCLAIMER: This site and any information contained herein are intended for informational purposes only and should not be construed as legal advice. Seek competent legal counsel for advice on any legal matter.

Don't Refrain From Telling Your Lawyer All Of Your Information

From our eNewsletter:




This family lawyer presents eye-opening “real life” examples of how concealing information during divorce can backfire.
By Joseph Cordell, Esq.


We tell our clients that the most valuable thing they have in their case is their credibility — their credibility with their lawyer, with their children, with social workers or the GAL, and especially with the judge. “The moment your credibility is called into question, even slightly, is the moment you start to lose ground in your case,” we warn. “The judge has only a very short period of time to get to know you and form an impression of you. If the judge hears one inconsistency, one lie or untruth, it colors everything else you have to say.”


Of course, sometimes a client might honestly forget about a tiny retirement savings plan from three jobs and 15 years ago, or about a small plot of property in the woods that his great-aunt left him 20 years ago. But don’t try to tell your lawyer — or a judge — that you forgot about that offshore bank account you set up two years ago, or about your part-time job as a carpenter. And even if it’s an honest mistake, it makes you look bad if the other side’s lawyer brings up something you have not mentioned. If your wife knows about it, she probably told her lawyer. At trial is not the time to find out that she paid better attention to your financial affairs than you thought she did.


Two Types of Men


Some clients don’t provide any information at all. Two types of men seem to fall in this category. One type doesn’t want a divorce. We tell them what we need, over and over, but they simply don’t give it to us. They think that if they don’t hand over that bank statement or don’t produce those tax records, maybe this whole nightmare will go away. They’re in denial, and thereby denying their lawyer time to review the information and plan the case. Further, they are only delaying the inevitable; opposing counsel will obtain the information by subpoena eventually.


The other men who drag their feet on providing information are the high-flyers, often professionals or executives. Maybe they don’t like the idea of someone telling them what to do when we insist that they “get those records for us.” Maybe they think it’s beneath them; that it’s something that an administrative assistant should handle. Well, we don’t care. Have an administrative assistant handle it. Just get it to us. If you say you can’t find your bank records, we can contact the bank and get them for you, but it is going to cost you time and money, and add significantly to your legal fees. (Most lawyers really do work hard to keep fees down. We profit more by keeping fees down and getting more referrals than by running up avoidable costs.)


I’ve had men try to hide their gambling problems, or “forget” to mention that little detail about a DWI arrest. Inevitably, those things come back to bite us — and surprise us, to make matters worse — at a trial. If your wife knows something about you, then you’d better assume her lawyer is going to know it, too. And if your wife and her lawyer know something about you, they may use it against you. If you once threw a shoe at your wife, I want to know about it — even if you missed her on purpose — because she might cite that as an example of your violent tendencies. If you once said, “I wish I was dead,” I want to know, because she could claim you are suicidal. If you once stuck a few free samples of Claritin in your pocket in the examining room when your doctor’s back was turned, I want to know, because she might cite it as an example of your dishonesty or your reliance on drugs. You might think those are ridiculous examples, but they’re not. Your lawyer needs to know anything and everything your wife might say about you to hurt you or your case.


Even if you are sure it’s something your wife doesn’t know about, tell us anyway. I once had a client who was absolutely sure his wife did not know about a bank account he kept secretly on the side. He had used the money in the account to fund a number of affairs over the years, paying for dinners, drinks, and hotel rooms with his girlfriends. If the client had told me about the bank account, we would have had to include it in the financial statements, and his soon-to-be-ex-wife would have been entitled to half of the money in the account. But the client didn’t tell me. He figured there was no way his wife could have found out about it. But she did. One of his ex-girlfriends was angry with him for dumping her, and she told the wife about the account. The wife’s lawyer sprung it on us in court. As often happens when a judge finds out that a guy is trying to hide assets, the judge awarded the entire amount in the account to the wife.


It’s Not Always “Case Closed” After the Decree


Some men think that if they can hide an asset until the divorce decree becomes final, they’re in the clear. Not so. I had a client who sold a lot of stock when he realized a divorce was on the horizon. He sprinkled the proceeds into a bunch of bank accounts here and there. He disclosed a couple of the accounts, but not all. His wife’s lawyer hired financial consultants — which is not unusual in cases involving a lot of money or complicated holdings — to go through the books. The consultants found almost everything, except for a couple of offshore accounts that had a combined total of about $100,000. I asked the client if what the wife’s consultants found was everything and he said yes. The two sides reached a settlement that was approved by the court, and the case was closed. The client figured he had saved himself about $50,000, since his wife hadn’t found the $100,000 in offshore accounts and avoided having to give her half.


About six months later, a statement from an offshore investment house came to the client’s former home address, where his ex-wife still lived. Puzzled, she handed it to her lawyer. Her lawyer handed it to the financial consultants, who quickly tracked down the account. My client was busted. He came dragging back to me crying for help, but there was nothing I could do. He had lied to his wife, the financial consultants, to the court, and to me, his lawyer. The ex-wife’s lawyer petitioned the court and the case was re-opened. The settlement decree was altered and my former client was ordered to give his ex-wife an additional $100,000 plus her lawyer fees in reopening the case. Why lie and risk losing not only your self-respect but twice as much as it would cost you to tell the truth?


Nothing but the Truth MEANS Nothing but the Truth


Speaking of perjury, clients do ask us about that. Sometimes they have done something wrong, and they want to know if it’s all right to shade the truth while under oath. I think they expect us to wink at them, or give them some sort of signal that it’s okay because this happens all the time in court. Well, we’re not going to do that. We’re not going to encourage or endorse or in any way approve any sort of testimony that is not accurate. Under oath, in response to questioning from your wife’s lawyer, you can answer the questions as narrowly and precisely. But you must tell “nothing but the truth.”


We were recently involved in a case where the wife was independently wealthy, an heiress, and she was asked questions specifically about her trust fund. The heiress answered artfully. She made it sound as if the trust fund was her sole source of income, about $500,000 a year. When it eventually came out on cross-examination that the heiress actually had two other trust funds paying her more than $1 million a year, she ended up paying through the nose, and her lawyer ended up on the wrong end of an ethics investigation.


Revenge and Punishment: Two Traps


Men often misjudge the importance of one particular fact: cheating wives. As lawyers, we try to be sympathetic and listen. We know it’s tough any time someone you love has betrayed you and wants to leave you for someone else. You were good enough for her once, but not anymore. She’s found someone better. That used to matter much more, years ago, in divorce law. If one party committed adultery, that party was at fault, and that was cause for divorce. But things have changed. Many states have no-fault divorce, and even states that still ascribe fault tend to downplay infidelity. In truth, in most divorce cases, and especially in terms of dividing the property, the law and the courts don’t much care if somebody had an affair as long as the children weren’t harmed or marital funds weren’t misused.


But some guys can’t get over it. They want revenge. They need to make it public, they need to punish her, and they need to make her suffer. I remember we had one client who simply couldn’t let it go. “This is the worst thing she could have done to me,” he told us. “Killing me would have been better.” He said this made her a horrible person and a horrible parent. He wanted full custody and wanted her to see their kids as little as possible. It took the judge about two minutes to shoot down that whole rationale. Having an affair typically doesn’t mean the mom is a bad parent. It means she fell out of love, or she found someone else. It happens, it’s human. The law has become less and less interested in the emotional side of divorce and more and more focused solely on the contractual aspects. If that client had been running the case, he probably would have showed himself to be angry and irrational; his wife might have won full custody. Instead, we finally got him to focus a little on other aspects of his wife’s life — she mishandled their money, she kept getting fired from jobs, she didn’t get along with his parents — and we built on a series of small things to the point where we were able to get the guy shared custody.


Sometimes in divorce cases both parties have skeletons that they’d like to keep in the closet, and they tacitly agree not to bring them up. She won’t mention that he hit her, and he won’t mention that he hit her because she was waving a butcher knife. I once had a client who told me that he and his soon-to-be-ex had been swingers. They would go to parties where they’d swap partners with other couples and have sex orgies, sometimes with multiple partners over the course of the evening, one after another, and sometimes multiple partners at once, threesomes and foursomes. His soon-to-be-ex told her lawyer, too. They were involved in a custody battle, but everybody sort of reached an unspoken agreement not to mention the wife-swapping — “don’t ask, don’t tell” — since both were equally involved. It never came up during the proceedings. I’ve got to tell you, though, that throughout the proceedings, the soon-to-be-exes often looked at each other with blazing, angry eyes, and then looked away. I wondered if they were thinking (a) hey, I could destroy him or her if I told about the wife-swapping, and then, (b) oops, I’d be destroying myself, too. It was like a staredown. I, for one, was glad neither of them blinked.


The bottom line is that we know it’s impossible for a client to tell his lawyer everything. A wife might bring up something the husband said seven years earlier in the heat of an argument, and it hadn’t made any difference then or any time since then. But she might bring it up. The important thing is for a man going through divorce to at least hit the highlights of things that might work against him, and then let the lawyer explore the various topics if necessary. If you cheated on your taxes or with another woman, tell your lawyer. If you sometimes holler or sometimes get sullen, tell your lawyer.


Don’t make a stupid mistake: Tell your lawyer everything that might work against you.


This article has been edited and excerpted from the book The 10 Stupidest Mistakes Men Make When Facing Divorce And How To Avoid Them by Joseph Cordell, Esq. Copyright © 2010. Published by Three Rivers Press. Joseph Cordell is founder, with his wife, Yvonne, of Cordell & Cordell, P.C., one of the leading law firms in United States representing men in family law cases. He is also the creator of www.DadsDivorce.com. For more information, visit www.cordellcordell.com.


Please visit Riebesehl Family Law Offices At http://www.azdivorcelaw.org for all of your Arizona family Law Needs

CHILD CUSTODY AND VISITATION TIPS

CHILD CUSTODY AND VISITATION TIPS

Child custody disputes can often be bitter, and it is particularly unfortunate when a child is exposed or placed in the middle of such a battle. With both children and families' wellness in mind, here are five tips on general child custody and visitation issues:

1. Put your children's interests first. Divorce is a stressful and emotional event in most cases, and this goes for kids too. To the extent it is possible to ease their burden, it is best for both parents to do so.


2. For non-custodial parents, avoid the temption of letting visitation become play or vacation time. This can affect the parenting dynamic in negative ways, and one may be better served by using the time to reinforce the parent-child relationship and spending "regular" time together.


3. Behave respectfully with an ex. A tough one, in some cases, but at the very least when in front of the kids, former spouses should be civil and respectful toward each other.


4. Avoid stepping into issues between your kid and your ex. Sometimes a child will something they "didn't get their way" on from one parent to the other, hoping for a more favorable resolution. It is all too tempting to be the good guy or good gal in such situations, but it should be avoided unless it involves safety issues or similar concerns.


5. Be there for your kid. This one should probably be #1 as far as importance, and this means being responsible in making arrangements for visitation, and being prompt and reliable in sticking to it.

DIVORCE IN ARIZONA

What is divorce?


Divorce is a court process to legally end a marriage. In Arizona a divorce is called a "dissolution of marriage." In addition to ending the marriage, a divorce may also deal with how property and debts of the spouses are divided between them and whether one spouse should pay support (alimony) to the other. If children are involved, a divorce also resolves custody, parenting time and child support issues.

What is a divorce "Decree?"


The Decree is the final order of the court legally ending the marriage. Spouses are not "divorced" until the court grants the divorce and the Decree is signed by the judge. The Decree may also contain other orders deciding how the spouses' property and debts will be divided and what financial support, if any, will be paid by one spouse to the other. If children are involved, the Decree also will provide for custody, parenting time and child support.


Where do I get a divorce?


In Arizona, only the Superior Court can grant a divorce. To get a divorce, one spouse must start a court case in the Superior Court. Although the Superior Court has a facility in each Arizona county, a court case to end a marriage must be started in the county where the person requesting the divorce lives.



Who can start a divorce case?


In Arizona, either spouse can ask the court for a divorce. A divorce is not awarded to either spouse; rather, it simply changes the status of the marriage relationship.



When can I start a divorce case?


Before starting the court case, either the husband or wife must have lived in Arizona for at least 90 days or have been a member of the armed forces stationed in Arizona for at least 90 days. Unless Arizona was the last state where you lived together with your spouse, issues regarding custody of children may require a longer residence time in order to deal with those issues.



What "reasons" do I need to start a divorce case?


Unlike some other states, for most marriages Arizona does not require that one of the spouses prove blame or responsibility in order to end the marriage. Under Arizona law, the only question for the court is whether the marriage is "irretrievably broken," meaning that there is no reasonable chance that the spouses want to keep the marriage together. If you have a covenant marriage (see Covenant Marriage under the subtopic Other Family Issues), however, under state law the court cannot grant a divorce unless certain things such as adultery, abandonment, physical abuse or regular substance abuse are proven or unless both spouses agree that the marriage should end. (The reasons for ending a covenant marriage are listed in section 25-903, Arizona Revised Statutes.)


Can the court help with marriage problems before getting a divorce?

Yes. Because ending a marriage is a serious step with many legal and personal results, the Superior Court in many counties has trained family counselors and mediators available to assist couples in discussing marital problems and disputes involving children, without involving attorneys and judges. These Conciliation Services can be requested before someone files a divorce case or even after the case is started. Contact the Superior Court in your county for more information.


Can I represent myself in court?

It is not required that you have an attorney to represent you in a divorce case. You must, however, follow the same rules and procedures as attorneys. All legal papers must be in the proper form and filed on time. The judges, clerks and staff of the court are not permitted to give you legal advice. Divorce cases often involve important issues about property and debt division, financial support and if children are involved, child custody and parenting time. If you have legal questions about your legal rights, you should ask an attorney.


How long does it take to get a divorce?

Under state law (section 25-329, Arizona Revised Statutes), a divorce cannot be granted by the court until at least 60 days after the first court papers are delivered to the other spouse. If the spouses are in agreement about getting a divorce and other issues (such as how to divide property and debts), the divorce can be finalized soon after the 60-day waiting period is over. If the spouses are not in agreement on how to settle all issues, the time it takes will depend on how complicated the issues are and on the court's schedule.


Can a woman go back to using her maiden name after the divorce?

Yes. State law (section 25-325, Arizona Revised Statutes) allows a woman to return to ("restore") the use of her former name at the time the marriage is ended. A request must be made to the court at any time before the divorce Decree is signed by the judge. Usually, the request is included in the first papers filed in the divorce case.



What if I change my mind after starting a divorce case?

If you and your spouse decide to stay married, the divorce case can be canceled (or "dismissed") by filing a request with the Clerk of Superior Court.